Dealing with a pregnancy announcement after losing your child

An elated mother-to-be shares pregnancy announcement not realizing the hurt it may cause women who have lost a baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or defects I am so very happy for you and your family, but please do not be offended if I need some space right now. Your child is an absolute blessing to this world and I hope to rejoice with you someday soon, but I need some time to heal first.

In light of your pregnancy announcement, please do not be offended or feel as if I do not care if I have to remove myself from your life for awhile. If I stop following your social media feeds, it isn’t because I do not love and care for you. Please don’t feel like I am not thrilled for your new addition. It’s more complicated than that. 

Every ultrasound picture, every milestone in your pregnancy or your child’s birth, is yet another reminder of not only what I lost then, but also what I will never have. Please bear in mind that I am still healing and while one part of me is jumping for joy that you get to experience such happiness and wonder, another part of me is still trying to cope with the fact that I had a child who passed away.

Please don’t act like I don’t exist, though. Please do share your news with me, being mindful and respectful of what I have gone through. Please still invite me to your showers and your celebrations, and maybe one day, I will find the strength to walk through that door and join in the joy, rather than feel pain at what “could have been.” You and your family deserve each and every moment of your joys, so please don’t feel like you have to hide them, just be mindful that we haven’t all been so lucky.

Please don’t think of my distance as me abandoning you, because the last thing I need is to lose another person I love. Instead, please wait for me to be ready to embrace your joys–while also accepting my loss.

I am grateful for our friendship and hope that you will understand.


What are your thoughts?